Kick me when I’m down

I have had a horrible day. Have you ever been accused of something you didn’t do? Not only that but something you would NEVER do? That happened to me today.

I had already been feeling stressed and tight chested especially since my husbands bad back is bad again and he has been mostly bed bound. This has been a on again off again on again issue since 2018, each time it’s bad it launches me back into that time that I had to do everything alone with the kids also worrying for my other half, add lockdown into the mix, sleepless nights, feeding a baby runt Guinea pig then having to make that euthanasia vet appointment decision on my own with one child crying and the other yelling that he needs the potty.
So as you can see I have been rather stressed.
I then offered to write an article for a local online website. Even though I have a lot on emotionally and am trying to study for a diploma I do love writing and often get in contact with local websites, magazines or newspapers to see if I can write something for them, it’s always unpaid but I enjoy it.
This particular site had lots of self help articles, I saw the titles but didn’t actually read any, the titles gave me the gist of the essence of what they were trying to do, so as the kids ran around the lounge yelling I loaded up Word and started typing five ways to take life one breath at a time, I typed it all up in about twenty minutes, it was all based on personal experience and general advice that I would give to a friend and ideally advice that I would take myself, I just typed as I thought of it. I emailed it off pleased that I had sent them something which seemed to fit their site and what they were trying to do and was hopefully similar to other articles they had so it would blend in. Well it seems it was similar, unfortunately too much so. I received this reply :

“I’m sorry but this is too similar to the content we already have, and some of the key phrases you have used are taken from our website. 

Credit must be given to the source if you use content created by someone else.

We wish you all the best with your writing career, but we are unable to publish your work.

Best regards,”

I was absolutely devastated that anyone would think I would plagiarise! Plus that’s a very serious accusation. Let’s just think about the accusation for a minute, what kind of idiot would I be to steal someone else’s words from their website then try to send the same person my article with phrases that I took from them? To be honest I didn’t even read the articles I just saw from the titles that they were self help so thought I would try and write something that would blend in, obviously it did too well! With phrases that I would say to a friend like “look after yourself, you can’t pour from an empty cup” it is not unlikely that someone has said or written that phrase before without it meaning that I stole it.
I was really shaken up and tearful and had that whole “why do I even bother?” moment. Of course my husband told me not to give it a second thought…. Are you kidding?! I had already given it twenty thoughts before I even told him!
The hardest part was that I had poured out those five ways to take life one breath at a time as a direct result of the fact that I felt stressed, my chest felt tight, I had been having palpitations, my husband wasn’t well, I was struggling. So for someone who I didn’t have time to write for or reach out to, to take those words and thoughts that obviously gelled so perfectly with their own work which shows they had some of the same thoughts as me, and accuse me of stealing them was like a ‘kick me when I’m down moment’.
As God is my witness I did not steal those words or phrases from anyone, we are people who speak the same language and sometimes have the same thoughts, it is not unlikely that when we have the same goal to help others we will come out with similar sounding advice. Plus I write perfectly well without having to steal someone else’s ideas. The words poured from my heart onto the keys I was pounding on to get it done as quickly as possible then spend time with the kids, it was a very unfortunate coincidence that what I said had already been said before.
So here it is, this is the only place it will be published.
Here are my five ways to take life one breath at a time, and if it sounds familiar it is, you know all this already, it won’t be a huge revelation, you have said it to your friends. Maybe this time you will take the advice yourself.

Five ways to take life ‘one breath at a time’

We often hear the term ‘one day at a time’ but sometimes even the prospect of the next 24 hours can be incredibly daunting.  So for the purpose of this list, let’s take it one breath at a time.

1.Concentrate on your breathing
When I feel my heart rate speeding up and my chest tighten and I recognise that I am feeling anxious I notice that my breathing speeds up which can then make you feel more panic. I try to concentrate on my breaths as they enter and exit the body, counting to five each way.  Our minds can be spinning in so many different directions, concentrating on one thing, focusing on your breath really is taking it one breath at a time.

2.Make a ‘to do list’
This may seem like a way to put extra pressure on yourself.  Once you make the list and have aligned in your mind what things you really think need doing today then you can stop all those things whizzing around your brain.  The next step is to choose two things from that list that really need to be done and allow yourself to leave those other things for tomorrow if it all feels too much.  You acknowledge there is a to do list but you don’t pressure yourself to do it all.

3.Give yourself a break
You are your own worst critic.  A wise lady once told me “you’re not superwoman!” This was to remind me not to push myself to do everything and not to highly criticise myself when something wasn’t accomplished.

4.You can’t pour from an empty cup
Just as you need to put your own oxygen mask on before putting another oxygen mask on in an emergency, so you do need to attend to your needs so that you can be strong enough mentally and physically to attend to the needs of others.  The Doctor once asked me if I was taking care of myself when I was in the middle of a crisis caring for others, I suddenly realised that I couldn’t actually remember when I last washed my hair and certainly couldn’t remember when I last pampered myself in any way.

5.Pick one thing you can treat yourself to
Treating yourself to something doesn’t have to cost money.  If you are constantly burning the candle at both ends and caring for everyone else then chances are you haven’t taken the time to run yourself a warm bath, lit some candles, dimmed the lights and put on some music.  I know that this may seem like a lot of work when you just want to crash onto the sofa at the end of a long day, but choosing just one self-care tip for yourself is important to your wellbeing.  A movie you enjoy, a bar of chocolate, a youtube relaxing exercise video before bed, there are many relaxing exercise videos online which are tailored for bedtime and are only 15 minutes long.  You make time for everyone else so please make time for yourself.  It is important and you are important.

Copyright © Fresh bread and faith. Written by Jo Le Page based on her own experiences