The mum tum is wobbly and wrinkled with rolls.
The mum tum is saggy and stretched with folds.
The mum tum can make you feel more self-aware.
“If I wear that tight top will anyone stare?”
The mum tum can make us feel shame of our size.
We squeeze into control pants what we want to hide.
We are jealous of others who are only too happy to say
They used to have a mum tum but then it went away!
“Why is she so slim?”
“What am I doing wrong?”
All too often woman are singing this song.
Stretch marks or tiger stripes, call them what you choose
Either way scars are souvenirs that you never lose.
A reminder of the unspeakable gift that you grew inside.
A gift that is denied to so many who have tried and tried.
A gift that you nourished, kept safe and warm.
This gift never felt pain, shame, sadness or scorn.
A gift that once in this world to them you became
The most perfect being who could ever be named!
Your mum tum was soft where they laid their head
Comforted by your smell and the words that you said.
The very fact that this miracle was born alive
Is a blessing that to many is tragically denied.
I hope you can see how special you are.
How blessed you have been to have come this far.
To have flourished new life in the depths of your being.
To have been blessed with the growing reminder that you are daily seeing.
It is an emotional journey becoming a mum.
And the wonder of it all is so much more than your tum!
So take comfort in the knowledge that you are not alone.
When your child hugs your tum remember that was their first home.
When you look in the mirror smile and feel proud
For you have grown brand new humans for crying out loud!
My body reminds me of joy and of loss.
And how my arms ached for a baby I wanted whatever the cost.
If the cost of a baby is a sag here and there
I will take it and own it and see beauty there
Your tum is a reminder of how far you have come
On this miraculous journey of becoming a mum.
xx
You can now buy a beautifully illustrated version of this poem made with intricate collage art and available now on Etsy. Full poem and smaller poem quote available
Asbury University is a Private Christian University in Wilmore Kentucky.
On 8th February 2023 after a regular Chapel Service some students stayed behind to worship and pray, this continued and drew more people in. News of the ongoing never ending service spread through social media and soon approximately 15,000 people were visiting daily and overall the revival drew in 50,000 – 70,000 visitors from across the world to Wilmore.
Nearby businesses felt the benefit of more customers in the area as well as fewer parking spaces to find as visitors to the University were taking up all the nearby car spaces. A Subway franchise shop owner said that he did in one week the amount of sales he usually did in a year and his biggest challenge was running out of food.
During the two weeks services were stopped at a certain hour then continued the next day to allow those involved in the worship groups time to rest. Even after they stopped two weeks later, people were still asking to attend even if it was just on the outside lawn, prayer teams were and are still available for those still wanting to visit.
A revival is described as an awakening and renewed interest. This recent flow of worship and visitors from across the world phenomenon has been described as ‘The Asbury Revival’ , people have been awakened to their thirst for God and have developed a renewed interest in spending time in praise and prayer.
As a result, lots of other universities have started having ongoing prayer and worship times and a thirst for learning more about God.
So what does this mean for us? Many people think you have to visit where God seems to be moving to ‘catch’ the revival. Yes it can be inspiring and ignite a fire in you to be in such a dynamic atmosphere but you don’t have to travel to where something is happening in order for a spark to start in you.
Ephesians chapter five verse 14 says :
“Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”
I will leave you with the lyrics from a Christian band called Unspoken “start a fire” –
This world can be cold and bitter Feels like we’re in the dead of winter Waiting on something better But am I really gonna hide forever? Over and over again I hear Your voice in my head Let Your light shine, let Your light shine for all to see
Start a fire in my soul Fan the flame and make it grow So there’s no doubt or denying Let it burn so brightly That everyone around can see That it’s You, that it’s You that we need Start a fire in me
You only need a spark to start a whole blaze It only takes a little faith Let it start right here in this city So these old walls will never be the same Over and over again I hear Your voice in my head They need to know I need to go Spirit won’t You fall on my heart now
You are the fire, You are the flame You are the light on the darkest day We have the hope, we bear Your name We carry the news that You have come to save Only You can save
Baby loss Awareness – Thinking of you – Jo Le Page
This week is Baby Loss Awareness Week, which runs from 9 – 15th October. Every year, thousands of people experience the loss of a baby in pregnancy, or soon after birth, and in infancy. This week aims to raise awareness and break the silence around pregnancy and baby loss. It’s also an opportunity for bereaved parents, and their families and friends, to unite with others across the world to remember their babies.
Wave of Light is when bereaved families around the world will join together and light a candle in memory of all babies that have left too soon. Whilst it’s the end of Baby Loss Awareness week in the UK, it is also International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day. Wave of Light happens worldwide as each time zone hits 7pm on 15th October which creates a wave of light across the world in honour of those bereaved and in memory of all those babies who left too soon leaving behind aching arms and broken hearts. Their loss does still leaves painful memories surrounding the trauma of the situation and sadness. This is also a time when people who haven’t suffered a loss themselves can take part to support those that they know or even don’t know out of respect for their loss. You can light a candle and /or have a minutes silence, or even a seconds silence, or just spare one little thought and one prayer for bereaved parents worldwide.
This year will be seven years since I went through labour and birth for a baby I knew had already died. It is especially hard as it happened during baby loss awareness week so every year there are lots of reminders online in that same week.
It is so strange and cruel to be in the process of labour pains in a maternity birthing room knowing that there was no need to pack nappies and a baby bag, knowing that you won’t need the car seat or crib, knowing that you will be going home even emptier than when you walked in. To feel those powerful surges but without the excitement or expectancy to hear your baby cry spurring you on, feeling only hopelessness and how agonisingly cruel this situation is. To feel the body hormones strangely elated at completing birth yet with an empty hollow feeling inside that won’t go away. And after recovery stepping out into the world again with people busily shooting past on your right and left, carrying on with life, completely unaware that you are walking among them and that you just went through this huge trauma. An experience that you know in that moment will change you for ever and that the memory of it will never go away. The moment I heard the words “I’m so sorry but I can’t find a heartbeat” I immediately realised that it is actually possible to love and intensely miss someone who you have never met. My ten year old daughter still feels this feeling that she misses her sister. It is incredible how a life that never breathed oxygen or had a chance to charm those surrounding her can still have such a deep impact on others and evoke such emotions.
At whatever point of pregnancy loss is loss, pain is pain, never think “well at least they didn’t get to this many weeks ” or “well at least they already had one” or “well at least it wasn’t like losing an adult” – pain is pain loss is loss and regardless of the details of our individual stories our feelings are the same. Many have pretty much apologised for being upset at losing their baby so early on when other people “go through much worse”, please don’t apologise for your grief, it is real and it matters. Others including me have experienced the same gut wrenching trigger that takes us straight back to that traumatic day when a pet dies, or when we attend a funeral, or when something you were planning for is pulled away suddenly, even though the circumstances can be completely different. Grief on any level can trigger a post traumatic stress reaction in you as it reminds you of those awful feelings that you experienced on that occasion.
On each anniversary of our loss my husband and I take the day off work to visit her memorial bench and just be there for each other as it always feels sad as the date approaches, on that day I stay away from social media, try and be present in each moment of the day, acknowledge the feelings as they surge, remember my gratitudes and realise that this pain and sadness which surfaces from time to time is now part of me and just one thread of the ongoing tapestry of my life.
You had a heartbeat, you had a soul, you existed, you mattered. Always loved and never forgotten.
Something that is fascinating to me is microchimerism. This is when cells from your born or unborn baby live on inside your body for decades afterwards, even passing on to further children that you have. This is particularly comforting for those that have lost a baby, that their cells live on inside your body. There are many online medical accounts of this, here is one account from a website called ‘Ariel Precision Medicine’ which says “As early as the second week of pregnancy, there is a two-way flow of cells and DNA between the fetus and the mother. The fetal cells have been found to stay in the mother’s body beyond the time of pregnancy, and in some cases for as long as decades after the birth of the baby. The mother’s cells also stay in the baby’s blood and tissues for decades, including in organs like the pancreas, heart, and skin. In one study, more than half of adults still had maternal cells in their blood. In some cases, even cells from maternal grandmothers – acquired during a mother’s own gestation – can be transferred to the fetus. Because some fetal cells stay in the mother’s body for years, they are also sometimes transferred to future brothers and sisters of the first child. In this way, older siblings can contribute their cells to those of their younger siblings. Some studies show that fetal cells are beneficial to mothers, and help in healing maternal wounds. Furthermore, these fetal cells have been found in the healed scars following caesarean section and actively participate in the healing process by producing various skin components, like collagen. The fetal cells in the mother can also transform into cells needed by the mother, including brain cells, heart cells, and various cells of the immune system.” (Ariel precision medicine).
I want to say that the three most important words that you can convey to someone who has lost a loved one of any age are – “thinking of you”. I have had people say to me “sorry I didn’t message you I just didn’t know what to say”. Often we can feel flustered at how to convey that we are there for someone when there are no words that are going to make them feel better. Those three words – “thinking of you” are simple, you don’t have to fluster out some speech, and it shows that you are there for them.
I want to encourage you to go one step further and put you friends loss into your calendar. Many of us have a phone calendar that can automatically update yearly forever so you don’t have to remember. I have the date that my friend lost her dad in my phone calendar, on that date I just text her – “thinking of you”. I have my friends baby loss dates in there too. It also reminds me to be gentle around them that week and just be mindful and thoughtful that they may be feeling alone in their grief. People are very good at being there at the time but don’t always remember each anniversary. This is a good and very simple way to be there for your friends who have experienced loss. The photo is a card that I was sent this week by a friend letting me know she was thinking of me, I cried as soon as I read it but it brought much comfort.
A rainbow baby is a term given to a baby who is born after the loss of a baby. A year after my loss my huge beautiful rainbow bump entered the world loudly at 38 weeks weighing an impressive 9lb 10! I sobbed hard in so much relief and gratitude when I heard him cry after nine months of hoping and praying that he would be born and not taking any milestone for granted. I discovered that a rainbow baby does not erase the memory of the child before, nor the hopes and dreams that you had for them or take away the deep pain that so few sincerely understand. Yet a rainbow baby does give huge comfort during that storm of intense grief, you finally have what your body felt robbed of, a tiny person to cuddle. I discovered that it is possible to be looking at your rainbow baby completely saturated in love and gratitude yet at the same time find tears rolling down your cheeks for the child that you lost. It is said that after a storm there is a rainbow. A storm still leaves a trail of destruction even with a rainbow and blue skies shining above it.
Time can be a healer but triggers still linger and can take you completely by surprise. I didn’t just write this to celebrate my rainbow baby who is now nearly six but I also wrote this thinking of those who supported me whether they understood of not and those who have also experienced storms and rainbows, and for those who have had more than their fair share of storms and are still waiting for their rainbow. We are all connected by something tragic but which brings about an empathy only possible through walking the same path. I am reminded that even on days when we feel alone none of us truly are, I’m grateful for that, I’m grateful to God and I’m grateful for those who have stood with me holding my hand
I will finish with a poem by “Yvette Mystakas – She is Sacred”
Whether you lost your baby at 6 weeks. Whether you lost your baby at 12 weeks. Whether you lost your baby at 16 weeks. Whether you lost your baby at 20 weeks.
Whether it is your first loss. Whether it is your second loss. Whether it is your third loss. Whether it is your fourth loss. Whether you have not had a child. Whether you already have a child. Whether you have two children. Whether you have three children or more. Whether you lost your baby in your teens. Whether you lost your baby in your twenties. Whether you lost your baby in your thirties. Whether you lost your baby in your forties.
Whether you lost you baby through IVF Whether you lost your baby through unplanned pregnancy. Whether you lost your baby through planned pregnancy. Whether you lost your baby through surrogacy.
Your pregnancy loss matters. Your grief matters. Your tears matter. You matter. “Words: Yvette Mystakas – She is Sacred”
Are you person A who arrives at least 15 minutes early? Or person B who arrives bang on time? Or person C who is always running late?
Do you prepare and organise what you need early or leave things to the last minute?
I can be all three! If I need to be somewhere new I like to arrive early to make sure I know where I am going. But if I look back over my life, especially when I was younger I was always person C! And probably still am a lot of the time.
When it comes to our eternal salvation, we don’t really like to think about a life after this one has passed. We feel that if we are ever going to pray to God and turn to Him then that is something we can leave to the last minute. That would be a slightly more believable plan if we actually knew when our last minute would be. Apologies for sounding morbid, but many people do believe that is what our ‘deathbed’ is for, yet how often does someone get that last minute chance?
The truth is, our eternal salvation can start right now, it isn’t some deathbed notion. When we thank Jesus for dying on the cross for us, and ask Jesus to forgive us and invite Him into our hearts and lives, it is a real and living hope that gives us eternal salvation and can equip us to navigate our day to day lives, filling us with joy and peace right now. Mental health wellbeing is talked about a lot, and rightly so, it is important and affects us all. All of this mentioned above, the real and living hope, the strength and guidance to navigate our daily lives, the joy and the peace in a world which really lacks joy and peace, all of this increases our positive mental health wellbeing, and all this can start right now, it doesn’t have to be left to the last minute, it can be enjoyed right now. Now is the time.
In the bible Ecclesiastes chapter 3 says that in life there is a time for everything, one example is “there is a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.” We can agree with that. All these things even the staunchest atheist and sceptic would agree with, it’s common sense. In 2 Corinthians 6:2 the bible states “now is the day of salvation”. The time to think about the rest of your life is now. The time to consider the concept that you need a Saviour is now. Let us be aware of time and accept the help and salvation that is available to us right now.
Person A may accept this early before it is too late, person B may just think about this right at the time it is needed, and in this scenario I don’t want to be person C. Our mental wellbeing is important and our lives are important, our eternal life is important. Please don’t be angered or triggered by this article, it isn’t a pointed finger preach at you, it is a discussion about time and how life passes by so fast. Let us at least have a think about what we feel is right for us and our future.
I am going to close with some encouraging verses from the bible. In Philippians chapter 4 verses 6-9 we read;
“6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”
I first met Sara Sarre 11 years ago at the Island Dog Training Centre, when I was very involved in the training and care of a beautiful Springer Spaniel named Winston who lived with my parents. Sara helped with Winston’s fear of getting into the car as well as any other issues we needed help with. This was my first experience with dog training and saw first hand the benefits of having a well trained dog.
Over the years I continued to see Sara online or hear about Sara in their role with Paws for Support, and to see the benefits of this being included within schools which my daughter has now benefited from.
This year we were blessed with owning and taking care of a special deaf Spanish water dog puppy named Rafa. Seeing as having a deaf puppy is very rare we felt we would benefit from one to one dog training and naturally Sara came to mind.
Sara is incredibly busy and I am grateful that they have a moment to have a quick chat with us.
Sara, thank you for talking with us.
How did you first get involved with dog training?
Probably how most people do, I went to the local dog club with my first dog and really enjoyed it. After a couple of years the club asked me to be an assistant trainer and it went from there. I enjoy learning about the dogs and helping people succeed with training a range of breeds and personality types – no dog is the same.
How many dogs do you own?
A lot of people would say too many but I love having a pack, its not for the faint hearted but each dog brings something new to the family. I currently have Spaniels and Chihuahuas.
What drew you to start Paws for support and what can you tell us about it please?
During a visit to the UK Kennel Club Offices, I say a flyer for ‘Bark and Read Scheme’ where children would read to dogs in school helping to improve literacy skills. Being a teacher and dog trainer, I could see huge possibilities for not only reading but for other aspects of the curriculum. I did some research and approached my school, found some like minded people and the Charity is now going from strength to strength, not only training therapy dogs but also disability assistance dogs.
What benefits have you seen when therapy dogs meet children, young people and the elderly?
The dogs bring such joy to people, just their presence and eye contact has been proven to make us feel good – they are so cute!
They can start a conversation, bring something different to a person’s day, opening people up to new things, help teach new skills and help embed old ones.
The therapy dogs are so happy to see us and are so unassuming, always willing to try and wanting to please. They bring out the best in all of us.
I have seen a dog be such a calming influence that a child fell asleep after a difficult incident. They have helped children overcome fears and help them deal with worries. One of our therapy dogs helped a child be more confident at attending school and helped them make friends.
The schools have seen improvements with reading levels and the children enjoy the educational assemblies helping them all stay safer around dogs.
In hospital and the nursing homes we have witnessed the residents and patients joy and distraction from situations, spark reminders of days gone by and gaining positive responses that may not have been seen for a while by the staff.
In the offices visits we had seen huge evidence of how its not just the young and the old that are encouragingly affected by the dogs, we hear people saying “best work day ever”, “made my day”, “aaaawwwww”, so you get the picture.
The stroking and patting of dogs has been proven to give us that ‘happy hormone’ release which benefits everyone regardless of age, ability and circumstances. The members and their dogs also get a lot out of the visits too. I know that it is always the highlight of my day being able to bring such a positive reaction to even just one person.
Thank you Sara for sharing and for opening our eyes to the amazingly positive effect that dogs can have on us. How stroking a dog can release that happy hormone. An example of embracing nature and the simple things of life to help improve our mental health wellbeing. Sometimes it just takes something simple to help us feel better. I am so happy that these dogs can help our Guernsey residents young and old and also help restore faith in this animal and help those who are nervous around dogs too. It also goes to show the vast benefits to the community when you invest time and effort into having a well trained dog.
Chronic fatigue is an all consuming fatigue mimicking flu like symptoms, heavy limbs, feeling spaced out and exhausted. This can be constant with sufferers becoming bed bound or in waves and relapses following times of stress and illness.
The frustration can be found in windows of energy and ability rapidly descending into something so debilitating that taking a shower is enough of a challenge for the day.
Unfortunately the phrase chronic fatigue or ME still carries a stigma and many people still feel that it is psychological. The same can be said for the widespread body pain and joint aches and stiffness of Fibromyalgia. This leads to patients feeling misunderstood and not supported. Feeling so unwell can rapidly spiral into depression especially if you feel that you aren’t believed or supported.
Many natural therapists will also feel that if only the patient had a clean eating lifestyle with times spent outdoors, engaging in relaxation exercises and spiritual connections, dealing with past trauma, then this would be resolved. This is true but sometimes these relapses can still occur even with doing all this.
For Donna her life started with being adopted as a baby. There are many studies now into the trauma of early separation from the birth mother and how it profoundly affects the brain and nervous system. Many adult adoptees Donna has spoken to also suffer with chronic fatigue syndrome.
Donna’s blood tests have always been normal. She has eaten clean for years, exercised, has a very strong spiritual connection and a strong faith in God, sees the benefits in nature and natural treatments and yet still suffers with chronic fatigue syndrome and Fibromyalgia. She is grateful to have a Doctor and Nutritionist who understand and who reassured her that these things are real and do exist and aren’t in her imagination. Donna has always had a good imagination but not good enough to imagine all these symptoms!
Donna manages to work a few mornings a week but during a relapse has had to sleep for a few hours in the day plus up to 12 hours at night. Having to pace herself and cut out certain daily activities to manage doing the food shop for example.
The spaced out brain fog feeling and dizziness is the worst and makes everything and everyone around her seem to be in a daze and a dream, this makes it very difficult to find enjoyment in anything as she is just going through the motions, trying to put one foot in front of the other. When people talk to her she laughs and smiles and in those two minutes they would have no idea that she is going through this.
Donna remembers relapses throughout her life and before children woe betide she tell a mum that she was tired! That would be met with a loud snort and a “YOU’RE TIRED?! Try having three kids then tell me about tired!” Sadly we always compare. When someone talks about their illness we automatically compare it to ourselves, we know we are doing this is if we suddenly interject with “oh yeah I’ve had that” and then start talking about ourselves and our ailments for the rest of the conversation when they hadn’t even finished, a very bad habit. Or we do as that mum did and offer a comparison which means “well I have it worse than you” or “I have that and I cope much better than you”. Even if we don’t understand, even if we think it’s stuff and nonsense, even if we think they’re just being dramatic, just be a friend and be supportive even if you can’t be understanding. We can never ever understand someone else’s pain or journey, letting them feel heard and supported is what they need.
When Donna has energy she feels so elated and often does too much, so pleased that she is able to! When she has a relapse she is amazed that she was ever able to rush around and desperately hopes for a light at the end of this tunnel.
Donna’s journey is ongoing. She still has a lot to learn and more therapies to try, and is currently trying the perrin technique which includes exercises which allows more effective lymphatic drainage which is thought to help chronic fatigue.
Donna says “I definitely see the benefits of natural therapies although wouldn’t choose all of them. I like the Hippocrates quote “Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food”.
It is important to take one day at a time but hard to do when you’re in a valley and when there is always so much to do.
Donna’s hope is that people will be more understanding of those who suffer with ME and Fibromyalgia including other types of fatigue, and that those suffering will be reassured that this isn’t all in their imagination and to seek help.
As we know at least 60% of the adult body is made of water and every living cell in the body needs it to keep functioning.
We are blessed to live somewhere where we have clean water that is plentiful when many places either have dirty water or it doesn’t last.
We hear that the maximum time an individual can go without water is three to four days. We all feel the effects of thirst after a short period of time, we can respond to these thirst nudges or we can plough on, engrossed in what we are doing and thinking we will do something about it later, when we have time and certainly before it’s too late.
When we are well hydrated we feel refreshed, awakened, renewed and satisfied.
When we are dehydrated we feel sluggish, tired, irritable and often have a headache.
Sometimes we don’t even realise the signs of mild dehydration. We are busy with what we are doing and often the bottle of water we carry around is still quite full by the end of the day. By carrying it around in the first place we are acknowledging that we do need it, and will take what we need if we remember and if we have time, or if we feel the need, often becoming mildly dehydrated before we realise that there is a need.
In the bible in the book of John here are two references to water.
John 4:14
New International Version “But whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
John 7 verse 37
“On the last and greatest day of the festival, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, “Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink.”
Much in life can leave us needing more. We don’t often have lasting satisfaction or pure contentment with what we have. Jesus is saying here that He alone can satisfy. Asking Him into our hearts is the start to our spiritual life suddenly feeling refreshed, awakened, renewed and satisfied with a spring of water inside us welling up to eternal life.
As well as realising the importance to keep our bodies hydrated, it’s great to know that our innermost being can also be refreshed with a supply of water that will never run dry, as long as we keep going to the one who gives freely.
We can respond to the nudges in our spirit that we need spiritual water (meaning we need to spend time in prayer and acknowledging Jesus who quenches our spiritual thirst) or we can plough on, engrossed in what we are doing and thinking we will do something about it later, when we have time and certainly before it’s too late, not even realising that we are already becoming spiritually dehydrated, ignoring the life giving importance of staying spiritually hydrated.
Every time you quench your thirst today, think of the one who offers everlasting water.
Asking Jesus into your heart is as easy as saying sorry, thank you, please – Dear God sorry for the wrong things I have done, thank you for dying on the cross for me, please come into my heart and my life, in Jesus name, Amen.
There is a series based on the life of Jesus that I have been watching. It is not only the best series on this topic that I have seen but it is the best series on TV that I have ever seen. It is called The Chosen.
The Chosen is a free app that can be downloaded and watched on phone or tablet or cast to the TV screen. Dvds can also be bought online.
There are many moments that have brought tears to my eyes when depicting the sheer love and grace of God.
In one particular episode they show Jesus and his disciples, walking through the dusty streets looking dirty and sweaty as they would have in those times and climate. It shows Matthew the tax collector pristine and finely dressed in his position of daily work collecting taxes and guarded by a Roman guard. He is shown to be hated by the Jews for using his talent and gift for mathematics against God’s people and being employed by the enemy, the Romans.
In this scene Jesus stops and looks at Matthew and says “Matthew, follow me.” The disciples are shocked and horrified that he would call such a person to follow him. Matthew is also surprised as he knows that anyone connected to this street preacher Jesus of Nazareth detests him. Matthew asks “Who? Me? You want me to join you? ” Peter hurries up to Jesus saying “Hey, hey what are you doing? Do you have any idea what this guy has done? Do you even know him?” Jesus doesn’t unlock his gaze from Matthews for a second as he simply replies “Yes”. That moment in this episode is so powerful as you see it dawning on Matthew the hated tax collector, that Jesus the miracle working street preacher, of which he doesn’t know much about but is intrigued by and drawn to, says that he knows him, he knows what he has done and yet he still wants and chooses Mathew to follow him.
In this scene Matthew immediately starts packing up his things and leaving his tax collectors booth, the disciples are incredulous and not looking particularly on board with this decision. The Roman guard is furious and shocked as he asks Matthew “Are you crazy? You have money, Quintas protects you, there is no Jew better than you, and you’re going to throw it all away?!” Matthew simply smiles and replies “Yes.” For once in his privileged, lonely, hated life this makes sense, he may not know what the future holds, it may seem crazy but it still feels right.
Peter doesn’t understand what he is seeing. He shakes his head and says to Jesus “I don’t get it.” Jesus replies, “You didn’t get it when I chose you either, ” Peter replies, “Yes but this is different, I’m not a tax collector, ” Jesus replies :
“Get used to different.”
Jesus didn’t do things that were the norm and He still doesn’t. When God leads us to do something it is often something that we wouldn’t have thought of ourselves, and every time it requires the type of faith of stepping out of the boat into water when we see no dry land.
During his years of ministry my dad has had many situations where he was prompted to travel somewhere to minister to someone, often when it only looked like there was enough provision for a one way ticket, but trusting God for the rest and safe return.
In my life at one point I was praying for opportunities to minister in other churches. I had a devastating experience of losing a baby in October and five months later I was invited to speak at a church service on Mother’s Day. “Really God?” I prayed. “Your answer to prayer is to have me invited to minister at another church on Mother’s Day of all days just months after losing a baby?! What if I break down on stage? What if I can’t do it?” Time and time again opportunities arise when we have to rely on God’s strength. In our weakness He is strong. That service turned out to be a very blessed time where I was able to bring into the ‘chocolates and flowers we love our mums usual talk’, the fact that mothers day is hard for some people and why. Many approached me after the service to thank me for acknowledging loss in a mother’s day service, something they had never heard before, it blessed them because of their own losses. Would I have arranged the talk the way I did had the timing not been like this? Probably not.
Get used to different.
Once on holiday in London my husband Pete and I were walking past a man who was begging for money. I felt uneasy and started talking loudly at a hundred miles an hour looking the other way, trying to look engrossed in conversation and walking very fast. I was walking and chattering away so fast in fact that I hadn’t realised that Pete was no longer with me. I suddenly stopped and looked behind me, shocked to see Pete walking the man who was begging into a nearby restaurant. I then stood, waited and awkwardly shuffled my foot, now feeling guilty that my reaction had been to turn away and run, while the reaction of Pete was to stop and help. Pete walked the man into the restaurant, handed some money to the Manager and asked them to serve the man whatever he wanted to the value of the money. Pete wished him well and continued on his way as we were running late, although he did come to wish that he had stayed and chatted with him. When we naturally want to turn away and run God often prompts us to stop and help. Often it isn’t what we normally want to do, it is different.
Get used to different.
If we want to follow the One who while he taught on earth didn’t rely on His own strength alone, loves the outcast, is passionate about the Gospel, doesn’t mind what others think of Him, talks about forgiveness, loving your enemy and turning the other cheek, life is going to be different, because that is nothing like the social media, people pleasing, selfie obsessed, wordly Church world that we are currently living in.
Living this way though means like Matthew the tax collector, even if it is usual for others to disregard you or not see potential in you, getting used to different means accepting that God does love you and He sees the potential in you.
“I’m only on it to keep in touch with family and friends” “I’m only on it for my business” “I’m on it because as a Christian it’s a good way to witness to others”
These are some of the reasons/excuses people give for being on Facebook and Instagram and the great conglomerate known as social media.
Why are we really on it? What draws us into its mindless scrolling? I’m sure we are not consciously in the habit of seeking out new ways to waste our time, so is it just purely addiction? A word that feels a little strong to admit but described online as a compulsive need to spend a great deal of time on the Internet (better health channel article).
Many people do genuinely find joy in social media, the interaction, the interest, the who is up to what news. Often these people have a lot of likes and interaction on their posts or fans on their page keeping them busy and stimulated. For many social media is a constant reminder of the ‘perfection’ of others lives, the pregnancy announcement posts when you can’t get pregnant, the smoochy couples when your relationship has just ended, the photos from the party that you just realise you weren’t invited to. Whether you are the popular social media user enjoying their time online or the one feeling left out, both types still have a compulsive need to check their phones countless times a day and scroll.
When I first decided to temporarily deactivate my Facebook account for a break, it was a bit like when you remove a clock from the wall. Even though you know it’s not there you cannot count the times you still look to where it was out of habit. I would keep picking up my phone to tap on the Facebook app only then remembering it was no longer there, only to do it again within the hour. Something funny would happen in the day and my brain would automatically formulate my status update which I then remembered I wasn’t going to be able to post. I would take a cute photo or funny photo suddenly feeling the urge to post /share it then remembering I couldn’t. It started getting annoying as this way I could see how often this was happening and it felt like a kind of withdrawal. After a few days I no longer had to urge to tap, scroll, update statuses or share photos online. I started noticing more around me, looking around (usually at everyone else on their phone especially couples at restaurants) or reading a book made out of paper and not on a screen if I had an appointment or had to wait for anything. The days felt longer and the sound of birds clearer. My mind felt more relaxed and I didn’t feel that everyone had it better than me or was prettier than me or that I was missing out on anything as ignorance was bliss. I could still check Facebook groups for information if needed as these were public and can be accessed on Google. I could share fun pics on WhatsApp in my family group or to friends, often staying up late having several WhatsApp conversations at once and a good giggle, intentionally connecting with people rather than just spying on them without needing to communicate or being spied on by people who had no intention of communicating with me.
Trying to deactivate my Facebook account felt like I was trying to leave a cult! I had to Google how to do it then finally seemed to be getting there with a multi choice “why do you want to leave?” question. The choice I clicked was “because I’m spending too much time on it” immediately the next page said “we can help you with this” listing ways to manage my time on Facebook “I just want to leave!” I yelled at the computer. I managed to get through that section only to then see several profile pictures of my friends pop up on my screen with ‘Sarah will miss you’ ‘Pete will miss you’ etc. Once I had managed to get through all the draining guilt and emotional blackmail stages of deactivation, I then had to click a box that said “don’t worry this isn’t permanent I will be back.” I breathed a sigh of relief once Facebook seemed happy enough with this to let me deactivate!
The next time I had a complete phone break, social media, Internet, everything was after accidentally dropping my phone in the toilet. Phones in jeans back pockets are not a good idea. After sitting on the toilet I heard a clunk and just assumed this was due to my foot knocking against the metallic toilet brush holder so unaware was I that I not only dropped my phone down the toilet but then continued to use the toilet. Suffice to say it didn’t really stand a chance after that. Yes I did try the phone in a bag of rice thing, by the next day the bag held some disgusting looking risotto and the phone still didn’t work. It took a while for my new phone to arrive so I then had four days of no mobile phone whatsoever for the first time since I had my first mobile phone. It felt weird leaving the house knowing in an emergency I had no way to contact anyone and no one had any way to contact me, all of a sudden it seemed like potential emergencies were lurking at every perilous corner during my ten minute drive. I had a lunch date with a friend and was leaving my children with their Grandmother, I felt hugely irresponsible leaving my children to go out without any way for Granny to contact me in an emergency, on the way to the lunch date I realised if my friend had messaged or rung me to cancel I wouldn’t know, I pictured turning up and waiting at an empty table then driving back to all the emergencies that had happened while I was out, if I had a flat tyre on the way I couldn’t tell my friend either or contact anyone. I started to wonder if I should be taking a paper bag to breathe into instead! Over the four days I would automatically rummage in my purse or pocket when leaving the house then remembering I didn’t even have a phone to lose or find. Photo opportunities were lost, using a phone also as a way to see the time I then never knew what that was either. But after four days something strange happened I felt lighter, I felt relieved, I had less to do or think about. It was refreshing to have a significant amount of time away from a screen, time away from tap tap tapping on a little screen, absolutely no interruptions from buzzes or pings. In fact by the time the new phone had arrived I had reminded myself that this was life before mobile phones, you left the house, people spoke to you when you got home, if needed when out you used a payphone, you spoke to people, you put time aside to phone a friend to catch up. It then felt like a bit of an annoyance to suddenly be so contactable again, to have to reply to messages by tap tap tapping on a little screen again, to be answerable to this impatient child like device always trying to get my attention by causing me to always check it’s there, answer to every ping and ring, feeling the need to respond immediately.
Many people can’t even wait until they have stopped driving to check a message or reply to one. Then going to bed all hyped up and wired on blue light. The amount of times I see drivers glancing at their laps while driving including truck drivers who aren’t even looking at the road. Today a car driver was doing the ‘lap /road glance’ looking at phone move while driving out into the road, ironically he was driving an electric car, so saving the planet whilst driving dangerously. Cyclists have been seen openly looking at the phone on their handlebars and with headphones in too. I have seen phone holders on car dashboards. We really should be able to manage an A to B journey without checking our phones, especially when our journeys in Guernsey are so short. We should even be able to be at a red traffic light without the compulsive need to check and scroll.
We aren’t actually living out the film of the Matrix. Surely we can challenge ourselves to not be plugged in 24/7. Many appliances will work again once they have been unplugged, that includes us, as human beings we need to have periods of time apart from sleep where we are unplugged.
Here are ways that I try to manage my social media and phone usage.
Flick off the WiFi on your phone – This way you can still use your phone as an alarm as a camera, as a clock, people can still text you and vice versa if needed, in an emergency you can still make or receive phone calls but you don’t check anything Internet based or get pings or notifications.
I would recommend a 9-5 work relationship with your phone. Wake up some way other than checking your emails and Facebook notifications, which usually leads to a quick pointless mindless scroll before you have even showered or has breakfast. Not the healthiest way to continually start the day.
Perhaps try and start with a big glass of water, some stretches a warm shower with hot cold therapy at the end, blast of cold water especially good for those who shy away from sea swimming.
Check what you have missed before work online then concentrate on work, try to get in some fresh air at lunchtime. Switch off your WiFi at 5 and enjoy your evening. Many feel refreshed without blue light and mental stimulation overload before bed.
If you must check Facebook try doing it once a day, check your notifications then come off it before you get sucked into the never ending mindless scroll.
Have a weekend break. Switch off your WiFi Fri eve and switch back on Sunday eve or Monday morning. As I said you can still use it as a phone, people can still phone you. You will be amazed at the withdrawal you feel but also how much longer the hours feel in a day without your Internet fix. You will also notice when sat in the Dr’s waiting room, or in the playground after school how many people are slumped over their phones just scrolling like robots.
No phones at the table. We can all manage to get through a meal without thinking of our phones or checking them or can we? And if we can’t we should ask ourselves why.
No phones while driving. But it’s only a quick glance. No, very easy to do but very dangerous habit. Journeys in Guernsey should be short enough to not need to check your phone, if this is difficult for you, ask yourself why you can’t manage a car ride without checking your phone.
No phones when on a date. Have you noticed when out for a meal how many people are sat opposite each other looking at their phones? Or the more polite ones have one eye on their date and the other eye on their data.
Start small. Try 15 minutes without checking your phone then extend it. Try one hour with your phone WiFi off in the evening then extend it. Try one day with WiFi off then extend it.
Try deactivating Facebook. It isn’t permanent, you don’t lose your page or pictures and can just log back in when you need to.
Remove the Facebook app from your phone and see out of interest how you cope with that.
If we must live with social media in our lifestyle then as with junk food let’s learn to do it in a way where we control it and not the other way around.
I would strongly recommend a break from social media and the Internet. It is more likely to improve your mental wellbeing than it is to make it worse.
The saying I have heard “anybody have plans to stare at their phone somewhere exciting this weekend?” is so true. A good view and good company is wasted when your full attention isn’t present in the moment.
It saddened me to see my children draw a family picture and in it we were all holding a phone or a tablet. In our defence my 10 year old daughter has told me that she doesn’t feel that we are on it all the time, and I have given her full permission to pull me up and say “Mummy get off your phone. No phones at the table.” I often try to be mindful if she comes to talk to me and I’m tap tap tapping on my screen, to put it down and say “you are more important than my phone, what did you want to say?” I do think that not many children feel that they actually are more important than their parents phone when their parent spends more time looking at the screen than at them.
Ultimately we are busy, life is hectic, we don’t live in an ideal world, I realise that. But for the sake of wellbeing I do hope you will give it a try. I regularly switch off by 5 but not always. I regularly switch off at the weekend but not always. But I am always happier and more rested when I do and that is what makes it worth trying.
In the bible in the book of Daniel chapter 3 we read about three young Jewish men Shadrach, Meschach and Abednego who refused to bow down to the King of Babylon who was called King Nebuchadnezzar.
A huge statue was set up and the rule was that when the music started to play then everyone must fall down and worship the golden statue. Everyone was told that if they did not obey this then they would be thrown into the fiery furnace.
This to me is an example of having no choice in a situation! You are being told to do something but it isn’t a case of having the freedom to make your own decision because the choice is either obey the rules or die. What appeared to be compliance from the majority was actually for many of them just fear of dying.
Shadrach, Meschach and Abednego were one of those who did not want to bow down to the golden statue. They believed in, trusted and worshipped God. These men had been given important jobs over the region of Babylon, they were trusted and respected men who weren’t in the habit of being rebellious or untrustworthy. Their reluctance to bow to the statue wasn’t because they had an issue with authority or wanted to rebel, they knew deep down that it was not right to bow to or worship a golden statue when they already worshipped the one true God, and certainly didn’t feel that they should do something they weren’t comfortable with, just because they had been told to, and just because everyone else was doing it and because there was no choice. They made a choice where there was no choice.
As in many situations where people tell on others, there were people in authority who noticed that Shadrach, Meschach and Abednego weren’t complying and decided to tell the King, knowing full well what punishment that would mean for the three men.
The King confronts the three men and they have another chance to comply and bow or face a terrible death. They tell the King – “King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. 17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. 18 But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” This really annoyed the King! What defiance and disregard for his golden statue how dare they!
The King is so furious that he orders that the furnace be heated up even seven times hotter than usual. The furnace was so hot that the soldiers themselves were killed by the flames of the fire as they took Shadrach, Meschach and Abednego down to throw them in the furnace.
This is the situation. The threat of the furnace was bad enough but now it is seven times hotter, hot enough to kill those who were throwing them in. They are also tightly bound with ropes.
King Nebuchadnezzar suddenly notices something, he can see four men in the fire and is sure that there were only three thrown in bound with ropes.
25 He said, “Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods.”
26 Nebuchadnezzar then approached the opening of the blazing furnace and shouted, “Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, servants of the Most High God, come out! Come here!”
So Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego came out of the fire, 27 and the satraps, prefects, governors and royal advisers crowded around them. They saw that the fire had not harmed their bodies, nor was a hair of their heads singed; their robes were not scorched, and there was no smell of fire on them.
28 Then Nebuchadnezzar said, “Praise be to the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, who has sent his angel and rescued his servants! They trusted in him and defied the king’s command and were willing to give up their lives rather than serve or worship any god except their own God. 29 Therefore I decree that the people of any nation or language who say anything against the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego be cut into pieces and their houses be turned into piles of rubble, for no other god can save in this way.”
30 Then the king promoted Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in the province of Babylon.
I think if we were in this situation and we felt it was right to stand up for what we believed in we would hope that somehow we would avoid the furnace altogether, that would seem like the best outcome, because how would we survive going through such a horrific and traumatic experience without coming out the other end completely broken or worse.
I love how in this situation God performs an even greater miracle than helping them escape the fire or avoid the fire or survive the fire. He allows the fire to become even hotter than it was originally expected to be. He allows them to be arrested and tied up and thrown in while the soldiers holding them burn up and die. Once they are fully in this situation which is as bad as it can get let’s be honest, he doesn’t just sustain them and help them survive, rolling out the other end coughing and spluttering covered in soot and ash but alive. He does more than that. He brings them through completely unaffected by the fire and they are promoted in their jobs also. Our God is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or even think or imagine. The best outcome that you could think up, God is able to do more than that (taken from Ephesians 3:20).
Once they are fully immersed in the worst situation ever God is with them. It becomes noticeable to others that they aren’t alone in this situation as they seem to be coping far better than expected. It is clear to anyone nearby that there aren’t three people in the fire, there’s actually another in the fire right there with them. When they walk out of the fire they don’t stumble out smoke billowing from them and their hair singed on end. The fire has not harmed their bodies or singed their hair. The last part of this really gets me – “There was no smell of fire on them”.
There are times when we realise in the thick of the fiery furnace of our difficulties that there is no way that we could be coping with this alone. We realise that God is with us. Not only is He with us but when we come out the other side, there are times when others wouldn’t even be able to tell by looking at us or talking to us the depth of the trauma that we have just been through. We have been through a fiery furnace yet there is not even the smell of fire on us. In these situations we know that there was another in the fire with us.
Being a Christian does not mean the absence of difficulties. Following God means we have His help in the midst of difficulties.
Turning to Jesus is as easy as saying “sorry, thank you, please.” “Sorry for the sins that I have committed, thank You Jesus for dying for me, please forgive me and come into my heart and life in Jesus name Amen”.
Take heart, take courage, yes you are in the fire but there is another in the fire standing with you and He will bring you through the other side.
Copyright – Jo Le Page written based on reading the bible and own thoughts and experiences.
Recently I attended a funeral and a memorial service on two consecutive weeks. At both it was mentioned that each person who had asked Jesus into their hearts at one stage had then had a period of time of difficulties and where their relationship with God had taken a backseat. They both then came to a point where their relationship with God became more important to them and they turned back to God. This highlighted two facts to me, one that people are human and when someone says they are a Christian, life is still at times challenging, they have free will and they can choose to head down one path or another or let their circumstances lead them down one path or another. And two, Jesus was so important to them that they turned to him fully not once but twice and I’m sure cried out to God many more times along the way.
So what is it about Jesus? Even the name brings about a powerful response in people, how does the name of Jesus make you feel? The name of Jesus can draw some people and repel others. It is a name that is popular as a swear word, have you ever stopped to wonder why? There is obviously something about that name. The Bible says the demons hear that name and tremble.
I feel that many of the worlds religions and sects have aspects that you would find in the bible, many would say that would prove we are all one and the same. Personally I feel like the bible and Christianity is like a big deep root of a tree, I feel that other faiths and religions and sects have taken something they like the sound of from the bible or can agree with like for example one may be “love your neighbour” that sounds kind and logical and all peace and love so that would be a popular one in other faiths. These others are like off shoots from the original root that have branched off into another plant and started their own garden. I feel that I would rather base all my faith and trust in the original root of the tree and take the bible as a whole not a pick n mix of what makes me feel comfortable.
Have you ever heard of ‘the gospel of Jesus’? This was talked about at the funeral and memorial services that I attended, not because it was tradition or forcing across a preach to a captive audience but because it was the wish of the deceased, they wanted their faith to be talked about at their funeral because it was everything to them and they wanted their friends and family to know how much it had shaped and changed their lives. The gospel of Jesus is that in order to reach down to mankind God sent his only son into the world as a baby to live with and teach us and to bring the teachings about God directly to us, showing love and compassion unlike any that had been seen before. Jesus died on a cross for our sins and rose again on the third day. Now I may have lost you at this point at the sheer “yeah right” that you might be feeling, and yet it is possible that you believe that the intricate world as we know it was created by an explosion in the atmosphere, I think that takes more faith. People also readily believe that the dead can haunt them or chat with them through a medium. And that our ancestors were monkeys yet no monkey has given birth to a human since or vice versa. So I think God coming to earth in the form of a man and dying for our sins is possible and that’s where faith comes in. We are told the world is spinning yet we aren’t tripping and falling, the world is round yet was thought to be flat. There are everyday times when faith is put into practice. Faith in Jesus takes away the fear of death and fear of the unknown. Faith in Jesus takes away fear of the future and fear of eternity. We still worry but God knew that which is why He encourages us to cast our cares, worries and fears onto Him, He sees we have fears and gives us a way to escape them.
Turning to Jesus is as easy as saying thank you, sorry, please. If you would like to turn to Jesus and invite him to take the steering wheel of your life, then pray this prayer. Thank You Jesus for dying for me, sorry for the sins that I have committed, please forgive me and come into my heart and life in Jesus name Amen. If you prayed that prayer you have become a Christian and have the hope, joy and security of Jesus living within your heart and life. Do tell someone, feel free to let me know and do find fellowship with other believers who can guide you.
I remember years after I had given my life to Jesus, I too had caused my relationship with Jesus to take a backseat. I went to a play locally at Eldad church called ‘heavens gates and hells flames’ every time they mentioned asking Jesus into your heart I didn’t listen as I knew this didn’t apply to me as I had already done it. But then the Minister said “while every head is bowed and every eye is closed” I was thinking “yeah yeah he’s going to do the sinners prayer” I had grown up in church and ‘knew it all’. The Minister said “If you are someone who has given their life to Jesus a while ago but realise that you have grown cold in your faith” I shifted uncomfortably. “If you feel you have drifted away from God and want to recommit your life to Jesus then raise your hand”. My heart was pounding, I knew this was for me. If you are reading this and have grown cold in your faith and want to recommit your life to God then pray this prayer. “Dear Lord Jesus, I’m sorry for turning away from you and growing cold in my faith, please forgive me, I re commit my ife to you Lord Jesus, I want you to live in my heart and life in Jesus name amen.”
I wrote a song called “the message of the cross” and will conclude with that.
Verse 1 The message of the cross The blood You shed for us None other could cleanse us from our sin The hope we have within Is because You took our sin The message of the cross has set us free
Chorus Lord I praise you for all you have done I give glory to the risen Son of God Through God the Father we can confess our sin There is none higher than Christ the risen King
Verse 2 The stone was rolled away Jesus rose again Through Christ alone we have eternal life Lord help me share this joy May Your light shine out to all The message of the cross can set you free
Verse 3 And when the trumpet sounds God’s children will be found In His presence we will be eternally I can’t wait to hear that sound That will lift us off the ground In a twinkling of an eye we’ll see the King
Fresh Bread & Faith 