My vacation from social media

“I’m only on it to keep in touch with family and friends”
“I’m only on it for my business”
“I’m on it because as a Christian it’s a good way to witness to others”

These are some of the reasons/excuses people give for being on Facebook and Instagram and the great conglomerate known as social media.

Why are we really on it? What draws us into its mindless scrolling? I’m sure we are not consciously in the habit of seeking out new ways to waste our time, so is it just purely addiction? A word that feels a little strong to admit but described online as a compulsive need to spend a great deal of time on the Internet (better health channel article).

Many people do genuinely find joy in social media, the interaction, the interest, the who is up to what news. Often these people have a lot of likes and interaction on their posts or fans on their page keeping them busy and stimulated. For many social media is a constant reminder of the ‘perfection’ of others lives, the pregnancy announcement posts when you can’t get pregnant, the smoochy couples when your relationship has just ended, the photos from the party that you just realise you weren’t invited to. Whether you are the popular social media user enjoying their time online or the one feeling left out, both types still have a compulsive need to check their phones countless times a day and scroll.

When I first decided to temporarily deactivate my Facebook account for a break, it was a bit like when you remove a clock from the wall. Even though you know it’s not there you cannot count the times you still look to where it was out of habit. I would keep picking up my phone to tap on the Facebook app only then remembering it was no longer there, only to do it again within the hour. Something funny would happen in the day and my brain would automatically formulate my status update which I then remembered I wasn’t going to be able to post. I would take a cute photo or funny photo suddenly feeling the urge to post /share it then remembering I couldn’t. It started getting annoying as this way I could see how often this was happening and it felt like a kind of withdrawal. After a few days I no longer had to urge to tap, scroll, update statuses or share photos online. I started noticing more around me, looking around (usually at everyone else on their phone especially couples at restaurants) or reading a book made out of paper and not on a screen if I had an appointment or had to wait for anything. The days felt longer and the sound of birds clearer. My mind felt more relaxed and I didn’t feel that everyone had it better than me or was prettier than me or that I was missing out on anything as ignorance was bliss. I could still check Facebook groups for information if needed as these were public and can be accessed on Google. I could share fun pics on WhatsApp in my family group or to friends, often staying up late having several WhatsApp conversations at once and a good giggle, intentionally connecting with people rather than just spying on them without needing to communicate or being spied on by people who had no intention of communicating with me.

Trying to deactivate my Facebook account felt like I was trying to leave a cult! I had to Google how to do it then finally seemed to be getting there with a multi choice “why do you want to leave?” question. The choice I clicked was “because I’m spending too much time on it” immediately the next page said “we can help you with this” listing ways to manage my time on Facebook “I just want to leave!” I yelled at the computer. I managed to get through that section only to then see several profile pictures of my friends pop up on my screen with ‘Sarah will miss you’ ‘Pete will miss you’ etc. Once I had managed to get through all the draining guilt and emotional blackmail stages of deactivation, I then had to click a box that said “don’t worry this isn’t permanent I will be back.” I breathed a sigh of relief once Facebook seemed happy enough with this to let me deactivate!

The next time I had a complete phone break, social media, Internet, everything was after accidentally dropping my phone in the toilet. Phones in jeans back pockets are not a good idea. After sitting on the toilet I heard a clunk and just assumed this was due to my foot knocking against the metallic toilet brush holder so unaware was I that I not only dropped my phone down the toilet but then continued to use the toilet. Suffice to say it didn’t really stand a chance after that. Yes I did try the phone in a bag of rice thing, by the next day the bag held some disgusting looking risotto and the phone still didn’t work. It took a while for my new phone to arrive so I then had four days of no mobile phone whatsoever for the first time since I had my first mobile phone. It felt weird leaving the house knowing in an emergency I had no way to contact anyone and no one had any way to contact me, all of a sudden it seemed like potential emergencies were lurking at every perilous corner during my ten minute drive. I had a lunch date with a friend and was leaving my children with their Grandmother, I felt hugely irresponsible leaving my children to go out without any way for Granny to contact me in an emergency, on the way to the lunch date I realised if my friend had messaged or rung me to cancel I wouldn’t know, I pictured turning up and waiting at an empty table then driving back to all the emergencies that had happened while I was out, if I had a flat tyre on the way I couldn’t tell my friend either or contact anyone. I started to wonder if I should be taking a paper bag to breathe into instead! Over the four days I would automatically rummage in my purse or pocket when leaving the house then remembering I didn’t even have a phone to lose or find. Photo opportunities were lost, using a phone also as a way to see the time I then never knew what that was either. But after four days something strange happened I felt lighter, I felt relieved, I had less to do or think about. It was refreshing to have a significant amount of time away from a screen, time away from tap tap tapping on a little screen, absolutely no interruptions from buzzes or pings. In fact by the time the new phone had arrived I had reminded myself that this was life before mobile phones, you left the house, people spoke to you when you got home, if needed when out you used a payphone, you spoke to people, you put time aside to phone a friend to catch up. It then felt like a bit of an annoyance to suddenly be so contactable again, to have to reply to messages by tap tap tapping on a little screen again, to be answerable to this impatient child like device always trying to get my attention by causing me to always check it’s there, answer to every ping and ring, feeling the need to respond immediately.

Many people can’t even wait until they have stopped driving to check a message or reply to one. Then going to bed all hyped up and wired on blue light. The amount of times I see drivers glancing at their laps while driving including truck drivers who aren’t even looking at the road. Today a car driver was doing the ‘lap /road glance’ looking at phone move while driving out into the road, ironically he was driving an electric car, so saving the planet whilst driving dangerously. Cyclists have been seen openly looking at the phone on their handlebars and with headphones in too. I have seen phone holders on car dashboards. We really should be able to manage an A to B journey without checking our phones, especially when our journeys in Guernsey are so short. We should even be able to be at a red traffic light without the compulsive need to check and scroll.

We aren’t actually living out the film of the Matrix. Surely we can challenge ourselves to not be plugged in 24/7. Many appliances will work again once they have been unplugged, that includes us, as human beings we need to have periods of time apart from sleep where we are unplugged.

Here are ways that I try to manage my social media and phone usage.

Flick off the WiFi on your phone – This way you can still use your phone as an alarm as a camera, as a clock, people can still text you and vice versa if needed, in an emergency you can still make or receive phone calls but you don’t check anything Internet based or get pings or notifications.

I would recommend a 9-5 work relationship with your phone. Wake up some way other than checking your emails and Facebook notifications, which usually leads to a quick pointless mindless scroll before you have even showered or has breakfast. Not the healthiest way to continually start the day.

Perhaps try and start with a big glass of water, some stretches a warm shower with hot cold therapy at the end, blast of cold water especially good for those who shy away from sea swimming.

Check what you have missed before work online then concentrate on work, try to get in some fresh air at lunchtime. Switch off your WiFi at 5 and enjoy your evening. Many feel refreshed without blue light and mental stimulation overload before bed.

If you must check Facebook try doing it once a day, check your notifications then come off it before you get sucked into the never ending mindless scroll.

Have a weekend break. Switch off your WiFi Fri eve and switch back on Sunday eve or Monday morning. As I said you can still use it as a phone, people can still phone you. You will be amazed at the withdrawal you feel but also how much longer the hours feel in a day without your Internet fix. You will also notice when sat in the Dr’s waiting room, or in the playground after school how many people are slumped over their phones just scrolling like robots.

No phones at the table. We can all manage to get through a meal without thinking of our phones or checking them or can we? And if we can’t we should ask ourselves why.

No phones while driving. But it’s only a quick glance. No, very easy to do but very dangerous habit. Journeys in Guernsey should be short enough to not need to check your phone, if this is difficult for you, ask yourself why you can’t manage a car ride without checking your phone.

No phones when on a date. Have you noticed when out for a meal how many people are sat opposite each other looking at their phones? Or the more polite ones have one eye on their date and the other eye on their data.

Start small. Try 15 minutes without checking your phone then extend it. Try one hour with your phone WiFi off in the evening then extend it. Try one day with WiFi off then extend it.

Try deactivating Facebook. It isn’t permanent, you don’t lose your page or pictures and can just log back in when you need to.

Remove the Facebook app from your phone and see out of interest how you cope with that.

If we must live with social media in our lifestyle then as with junk food let’s learn to do it in a way where we control it and not the other way around.

I would strongly recommend a break from social media and the Internet. It is more likely to improve your mental wellbeing than it is to make it worse.

The saying I have heard “anybody have plans to stare at their phone somewhere exciting this weekend?” is so true. A good view and good company is wasted when your full attention isn’t present in the moment.

It saddened me to see my children draw a family picture and in it we were all holding a phone or a tablet. In our defence my 10 year old daughter has told me that she doesn’t feel that we are on it all the time, and I have given her full permission to pull me up and say “Mummy get off your phone. No phones at the table.” I often try to be mindful if she comes to talk to me and I’m tap tap tapping on my screen, to put it down and say “you are more important than my phone, what did you want to say?” I do think that not many children feel that they actually are more important than their parents phone when their parent spends more time looking at the screen than at them.

Ultimately we are busy, life is hectic, we don’t live in an ideal world, I realise that. But for the sake of wellbeing I do hope you will give it a try. I regularly switch off by 5 but not always. I regularly switch off at the weekend but not always. But I am always happier and more rested when I do and that is what makes it worth trying.